On Writing

Jul. 4th, 2011 09:36 pm
noctuary: (Clocks)
I've been thinking lately. About things. Writing things, and so forth. I keep picking out lines I like in books that I want to capture the feeling of, I keep nailing down quotes about the craft of writing or about literature that I want to embody in my work. I've been highlighting things. I've been working out what I love but also what I want to write, and those aren't always the same thing.

I've begun understanding some of the reasons I love writing - and not just creative writing, but journalling, blogging, posting in forums, twitter. I can express myself in writing in ways I have difficulty expressing myself aloud... but I'm getting better at the latter. I've noticed more and more I'm beginning to speak more like the way I write.

One of these reasons is that often, there is a near-continuous stream of dialogue in my head. Sometimes all it does is scream "FUCK" over and over. I channel it into daydreams, sometimes. Which means sometimes my daydreams are just terrible things, and often they jump all over the place. I could never do to my book characters what I end up doing to the characters of my daydreams. I suppose because daydreams are much more fluid. I know when I'm feeling low sometimes because of how much shit I'm putting the Day Dream People through. But when I write, the dialogue shuts up. Well, not so much shuts up - the right words come instead of random words, and they line up properly in a way that is pleasing. The babble falls into the background. I have no issues with thinking as a matter of course, but I think better still when I write, whether by hand or with a keyboard.

But highlighting. I've been highlighting the odd line, or taking it down. Only books with ideas I want to draw from - not, for example, Mervyn Peake, whose every line is a masterful creation and yet whose marvellous style and themes are different from my own.

I find myself rereading Silence of the Lambs and impressed by his style. I think he has influenced by own more than I realise.

I've been coming across a lot of... I don't know, discouraging matters, I suppose. A lot of "don't expect to get anywhere", some of it from blogs of actual writers. A lot of "you will have to be a whore to become big or make any money". I appreciate the realities of life but if I accept them as inevitabilities rather than obstacles to be overcome I'll bury myself in doubt and lose all my dreams to the abyss of It's Hopeless To Try.

I need to do something like reread one of Amanda Palmer's blogs and remind myself that Art Is Worth It. Because it is. My greatest hope is to share that with others through my work.

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